13 Signs You're A Basic Brown B*tch

I am such a troll *evil laugh*

1) You regularly update social media with snaps of your mid-range designer purchases

A bit of a shopper myself, there's nothing more humorous than knowing just how much a girl has spent on a particularly bland or ugly af accessory. Clearly the designer label can leave some blind to good taste.

They all seem to own a Michael Kors handbag too, which is slightly annoying as I can now no longer wear the Michael Kors watch I bought years ago, long before the brand became a mainstream High Street chain, and now a staple for every basic Indian/Pakistani/Bengali girl in the UK.

Thanks basic bishes for ruining a classic brand the way chavs ruined Burberry.

2) You only buy/own Mac cosmetics

If it ain't broke, don't fix it hey?

3) You refer to your frequent vacations as “travelling”

No, one’s a luxury holiday, which you can probably only afford because you're still living rent-free with your parents. The other’s a prolonged period of travelling the world for an indefinite period of time, often slumming it to experience a different way of living. There is a difference.

4) You’ve amassed anything between 5k - 30k+ tweets in the few years since you joined Twitter

Not for the purpose of digital marketing, but rather to give hourly updates of your life.

For example, let's say our basic bitch in question has accumulated 18,000 Tweets over 4 years. That’s 4500 tweets a year. That’s 12 tweets a day. You may have thousands of friends on Twitter, but obviously none in real life that keep you busy, if you have time to tweet that many times a day.

5) All your reading material consists of chick-lit

How on earth do girls keep reading this genre? The formula for chick-lit never changes - you can read the first page, skip right through to the last page and see if what you’ve predicted has transpired. You'll usually find it has.

6) You join in on every single occasion/fad that’s hyped on social media

Bonfire Night. Diwali. Christmas. New Years. Valentines Day. Pancake Day. TGIF. Blue Monday. Hell, trending topics is your version of 24-hours news coverage, the way you feel the need to always be in the loop and join in.

7) You studied English/Media/Sociology/Psychology/Business Management at university…

...and now you’re working in Digital Marketing. Or Teaching.

8) The only places you shop are Topshop, Zara and Asos

9) You quote Mean Girls on a regular basis, because your dream is to be a Plastic

If you own anything that has the “You Can’t Sit With Us” quote from the film, just dismiss yourself now. 

10) You’ve posted the obligatory “Afternoon Tea” snap on Instagram

Image source: Vicki_gray__x on Instagram

11) You’ve posted the obligatory “Starbucks Name Fail” snap on Instagram

12) “Inspirational” Tumblr/Instagram quotes and sayings give your life meaning and direction

Your attempts to sound intellectual usually involves you quoting the following dead people: Marilyn Monroe, Coco Chanel, Albert Einstein and Steve Jobs.

13) You wear a headscarf without realising the makeup you’ve plastered on with a trowel negates it

The contradiction of values is lost on you. Might as well go stuff your bra too.

PS Number 7 also applies to me. Let us all revel in our basic-ness.