UNBIASED Fifty Shades of Grey Review

Well, I guess I'm a little late to the party, as I believe the film’s theatre run has now come to an end.


Fifty Shades of Grey nail polish...really?

However, I managed to catch it JUST before it did. Not because I was purposely trying to avoid all the Valentine’s Day hype... I honestly just had no desire to watch it.

I haven’t read the books, so didn’t feel compelled to watch the film out of loyalty. Plus, the trailer looked kinda crap and in any interview I’ve caught with the actors, I didn’t feel they had enough charisma to sell me the movie.

However, after an afternoon recounting some recent stresses in our lives, my gal pal and I decided to do something fun and silly on a whim, to take our minds off things.

Like I said, I haven’t read the books (I can barely handle chick-lit, let alone sappy "mommy porn" ie Mills & Boon for the modern generation). So I had zero expectations in that regard. I also went in with low expectations as, judging from promotional interviews that have been impossible to avoid, the actors in the film I felt had zero sex-appeal to carry a film like this.

As soon as the film started, my friend and I burst out laughing. Something about the wide-shot of "Grey House" I dunno why, but it just got us going. Perhaps because it reminded us of Trump Tower and was such an over-the-top way to show how affluent this character is.

From then on, we couldn’t resist providing our own running commentary throughout the film (luckily, there were only about five other people in the theatre, who were laughing at the same parts that we were).

We did, however, shut up when some of the saucier scenes were on, because let me tell you, Jamie Dornan might come across as wooden and more baby-faced than sex-pot, but once he takes his shirt off… phwoarr!! And when his character starts to get a little frisky with Ana… *swoon*.

That’s the thing about this movie, it’s so over the top and melodramatic in parts, but in the more romantic moments it kind of reminds me of a Bollywood film (minus the sex-scenes and depiction of BDSM, of course). And that’s where I think the appeal lies with the film.

Sure, it’s silly and unrealistic at times, but it’s fantasy. What woman secretly doesn’t want a handsome guy who will sweep her off her feet and will pursue her relentlessly? Who will be interested in her, and only her?

Now, feminists have slammed the film labelling the BDSM parts an example of emotional and physical abuse.

I don’t think that’s necessarily the case. This is a story about two people who are attracted to each other. To put it bluntly, one of them happens to be a kinky f*cker, while the other is inexperienced sexually. As she explores her sexual boundaries, in a consensual relationship with someone she’s attracted to, he learns to rein in the darker aspects of his sexual habits to have a more conventional relationship.

I think the cinematography, as well as soundtrack assistance from Beyonce, does give the movie a bit more of a classier edge, especially during its cheesiest moments. I also don’t understand the hoo-ha over the sex scenes in the film – I thought they were pretty tame and handled tastefully (believe me, I watch a lot of foreign films and some of the sex scenes in those movies, especially the French ones, are a lot more shocking).

The film was a bit corny, silly and melodramatic at times, but I get the feeling the book is 10x worse and they probably did a good job given the material they were dealing with; author EL James famously insisted on retaining some creative control over the movie when selling the book’s film rights. You can tell which parts from the book she insisted remain in the film (ie the worst parts).

That’s about as analytical I’m going to get with this piece-of-fluff movie. All in all, I had a fun, entertaining evening with my friend. I’ve watched way worse films that make you seriously regret the pricey cinema ticket. I didn't get that feeling when watching this film.

Now, I’m not sure if I should be doing this, but you can watch the movie online here. However, some of the sex scenes have been cut in this version…which I guess spoils the fun a little ;-).