Family Problems

People wonder why shows like Keeping Up with the Kardashians are so successful, but whilst the girls’ glam fashion choices has a lot do with it, if you too have a love-hate relationship with your siblings then you can definitely relate to their family dynamic, not to mention the endless drama that seems to follow the family around like a dark cloud.

Off topic, but as I’ve mentioned before I’ve always been quite intuitive when it comes to reading people or judging certain situations or interactions accurately. It’s probably why I struggle to maintain romantic, platonic and familial relationships – I can pick-up on people’s less-than-perfect traits and once I do, that person’s personality flaw will grate on me.

I’ll try to ignore it, cut people some slack and rise above but this becomes exhausting and eventually I start talking or hanging out with people less. They then pick up on this shift and, becoming defensive, become distant as well. As I find it childish and extreme to go from being close to ignoring each other forever, I will still check-in with folks from time-to-time but the relationship is never really the same.

So as someone who follows showbiz news because it appeals to my analytical side, (I should get a life, I know) it’s why I wasn’t surprised that Channing and Jenna Tatum announced their separation – despite being drop dead gorgeous, I always got a vibe that Channing just wasn’t that into her.

I got the same vibe off Queen Letizia and her husband King Felipe of Spain. I find Queen Letizia effortlessly chic and very put together, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, male or female, who admires her style. But her husband seems quite aloof and not very affectionate with her.

However, being a royal (and a King no less) I put the reserved behaviour between the two down to etiquette. If you look at photos from early-on in their marriage though, King Felipe was a lot more touchy-feely with a pre-nose job Queen Letizia.

Queen Letizia hit the headlines recently however, when video footage surfaced of rather frosty behaviour between her and her mother-in-law Queen Sofia:

"Queen Sofía and Queen Letizia Face Off, and Spain Is Aghast" - NY Times, April 5th, 2018 

It seems even royals have trouble with their in-laws from time to time. King Felipe eventually had to step-in to defuse the situation.

Now, all families are going to knock-heads occasionally, but that behaviour seemed incredibly cold and petty, especially for a mother. In her forties. Never mind a Queen, who is at a very public religious event, with the world’s media present to capture such hostile behaviour that not even their fake smiles could mask.

My own family, given that we’re all hot-headed, struggle to maintain a harmonious relationship with each other at the best of times. The older I get though, the less I entertain the idea of holding a lifelong grudge, especially since I have nieces and nephews that I have a close bond with that I still want to see.

Image credit: Josethestoryteller

If I have a disagreement with my siblings, I get over it after a while. It helps that I generally keep a good amount of distance from the majority of my family members and I don’t see them nearly as often as I used to.

One sibling, however, continues to remain in stony silence years after an argument and has refused to allow us to see his kids. This is slightly awkward as I get on with my sister-in-law, who I know would prefer that her kids continue to have a relationship with their aunt.

However, I ended up randomly seeing them at a family get together recently and it was heart-warming that after 3-4 years, my nephew still remembered me. He didn’t recognise me at first, but the more I chatted to him, the more I could see it coming back to him. I didn’t want to step on his father’s toes however, so I left them to it…but then both he and my younger nephew sought me out a couple of times after that <3.

Obviously remember how much of a cool aunt I was :P.

It just goes to show that even in their formative years, kids do remember that bond and connection that you had with them. What’s also interesting is that on another occasion, I saw my niece who is a year younger than my nephew. It had been a similarly long period that I’d last seen her too, but she remembered me straight away when I saw her: it’s interesting to see the difference between boys and girls and how their memories develop.

But on the topic of grudges, unless a family member has some major issues that I felt could be harmful to my kids, I wouldn’t drag them into arguments amongst us as adults that have nothing to do with them. Especially if it’s been down to a personality clash. Kids can pick up on an acrimonious vibe, and I feel like as parents you should set an example with how you deal with conflict.

Because really, what’s the point of holding on to bitterness and being petty? Especially when it comes to your own flesh and blood. I understand that if you constantly grate on each other, or if your relationship as siblings has become toxic, it’s probably best if you sever ties. But that doesn’t mean you should be rude or uncivil, especially at functions around other people.