Self Improvement vs. Accepting Yourself

Image credit: mcredifine

My life has been randomly hectic for the past couple of years and unfortunately, blogging took a backseat. I also didn’t bother to renew this site's custom domain registration, which meant my search visibility took a battering and since I was no longer getting the consistent traffic that I was used to, it was even more of a reason to not be as active on here.

I find my desire for blogging returning however, as I forgot just how therapeutic it can be. As someone who is prone to bouts of situational depression, if there’s an outlet that can bring you any kind of relief, it’s well worth continuing with.

It also helps to clear and organise my thoughts, and I’m finding myself rambling less to poor folks in my everyday life since I’ve gotten back into writing. I know a lot of people can relate to things I write about as well, which is why I originally set up this blog.

I guess the purpose of this post is that I find myself reflecting on my current circumstances, which make me feel like I’m exactly where I was 3-4 years ago, despite making numerous changes in my life.

I think as adults, especially if you have a pattern of struggling to maintain relationships, jobs or whatever, it's important to be self-aware so you can look at areas about yourself that perhaps need improving. The goal isn’t to be too self-critical, but more so you can live your best life.

Moving back to my hometown a few years ago was advantageous, because it felt like it was a chance for a fresh start and a clean slate. So I focused on the following:

Limited social life 

I went out and met new people! I started by going to blogging events and joined a creative writing class, but despite the common interest I didn’t really meet people that I clicked with.

Meetup.com however was great, as I met people who were interested in similar activities such as going on walks and hitting the town etc. I started to build a small social circle and when I was asked to help out and host events of my own, it made me realise that my organisational and networking skills were a strength.

Job-hopping

As someone who struggles to accept the 9-5 life, I made a conscious effort to tough things out in jobs, instead of leaving once I was bored and felt like I had learnt everything I could, or if I was finding the working environment or management annoying. As a result, I managed to stay in the same place of employment for almost 3 years.

Love life

After a guy from the past repeatedly had a habit of pointing-out that I had "no friends" (my friendship circle was dwindling at that point, mainly down to my friends disappearing whilst they were on a hunt to find a man to settle down with, or because of a disagreement of some sort), building a solid circle of friends became more of a focus for me than romance.

Besides, I felt this would serve me better in the long-run, as if potential relationships didn’t work out I’d still have a supportive network of friends to keep me busy. I also wouldn’t cling onto unhealthy relationships for fear of being lonely, and I also wouldn’t get too carried away in the early stages of dating (which isn’t something I’ve been guilty of to be honest as I’ve never been needy), as having a full social life would naturally make me less available anyway.

But as you do when you’re getting out and about and meeting people, I did end up meeting guys that I ended up dating. These experiences were interesting and even if they weren’t "The One", these guys all had qualities that I would want in a long-term partner, and certainly had qualities that were missing in guys from the past.

So where am I now?

Well I guess with my current friendship, dating and work situations, I feel like history is repeating itself.

I hardly see or hear from my friends anymore, unless I’m the one initiating contact or doing the organising. This has, again, largely been down to their focus now shifting to a significant other (or a search for a significant other). A couple of friendships have also fizzled-out purely because it turns out we weren’t that close to begin with.

Job wise, I wasn’t enjoying the working environment of my last long term job, or all the petty politics, so I got another job. I knew early on, however, that this job wasn’t for me either so now I’m currently temping.

And as for my love-life? Well I refused to date all of last year because frankly, I just couldn’t be bothered with the extra stress and annoyance that had come from my dating experience prior to that. Guys I do meet, I'm either not interested or if I do see potential, I spot a deal breaker and push them away.

I’m generally quite a forgiving person and I don’t really hold grudges, especially with people that I've known for a substantial amount of time as I tend to remember a person’s positive traits over the bad times. So after reflecting on these experiences, maybe the biggest thing I can take away from this is to be forgiving during unpleasant or annoying situations, as opposed to after, which might lead to different outcomes.

But it makes me wonder if even after you put steps in places to grow and make positive changes, are we just doomed to repeat our past mistakes? Can we unlearn certain behaviours and thought patterns, or after a certain age are they just ingrained in us and we should just accept it?

I keep having to remind myself that life is always changing, in both positive and negative ways, and that this is just another blip. Just because you're still a work-in-progress, it doesn't mean you're incapable of having healthy relationships or happy experiences.