Superstar DJ Tim Bergling aka Avicii Has Died

I tend to not comment on high-profile celebrity deaths, mostly because I feel like certain things are too sacred for the fickle online world of social media. Plus, I find outpourings of grief from strangers a little disingenuous.

Lately as well, there have been so many random celebrity deaths, often in bizarre circumstances or due to drug or alcohol abuse, that I guess you sort of become desensitised, as sad and heartless as that sounds.

However, when news broke that superstar EDM DJ Tim Bergling, or Avicii if going by his stage name, had passed away I was so shocked I actually thought it was a hoax. When I found out it wasn’t, I couldn’t help but share the news on social media and text my friends about it.

I’m not sure why I’m so affected by the news. I mean there’s the obvious reason in that 28 seems far too young to die. A cause of death hasn’t yet been confirmed and while there have been vague hints of past issues with alcohol, this is speculation. Given that drugs and the dance/rave culture go pretty much hand in hand, it’s easy to jump to the conclusion that drugs were also at play but again, who knows?

Family Problems

People wonder why shows like Keeping Up with the Kardashians are so successful, but whilst the girls’ glam fashion choices has a lot do with it, if you too have a love-hate relationship with your siblings then you can definitely relate to their family dynamic, not to mention the endless drama that seems to follow the family around like a dark cloud.

Off topic, but as I’ve mentioned before I’ve always been quite intuitive when it comes to reading people or judging certain situations or interactions accurately. It’s probably why I struggle to maintain romantic, platonic and familial relationships – I can pick-up on people’s less-than-perfect traits and once I do, that person’s personality flaw will grate on me.

I’ll try to ignore it, cut people some slack and rise above but this becomes exhausting and eventually I start talking or hanging out with people less. They then pick up on this shift and, becoming defensive, become distant as well. As I find it childish and extreme to go from being close to ignoring each other forever, I will still check-in with folks from time-to-time but the relationship is never really the same.

So as someone who follows showbiz news because it appeals to my analytical side, (I should get a life, I know) it’s why I wasn’t surprised that Channing and Jenna Tatum announced their separation – despite being drop dead gorgeous, I always got a vibe that Channing just wasn’t that into her.

I got the same vibe off Queen Letizia and her husband King Felipe of Spain. I find Queen Letizia effortlessly chic and very put together, and I’m sure I’m not the only one, male or female, who admires her style. But her husband seems quite aloof and not very affectionate with her.

However, being a royal (and a King no less) I put the reserved behaviour between the two down to etiquette. If you look at photos from early-on in their marriage though, King Felipe was a lot more touchy-feely with a pre-nose job Queen Letizia.

Queen Letizia hit the headlines recently however, when video footage surfaced of rather frosty behaviour between her and her mother-in-law Queen Sofia:

"Queen Sofía and Queen Letizia Face Off, and Spain Is Aghast" - NY Times, April 5th, 2018 

It seems even royals have trouble with their in-laws from time to time. King Felipe eventually had to step-in to defuse the situation.

Self Improvement vs. Accepting Yourself

Image credit: mcredifine

My life has been randomly hectic for the past couple of years and unfortunately, blogging took a backseat. I also didn’t bother to renew this site's custom domain registration, which meant my search visibility took a battering and since I was no longer getting the consistent traffic that I was used to, it was even more of a reason to not be as active on here.

I find my desire for blogging returning however, as I forgot just how therapeutic it can be. As someone who is prone to bouts of situational depression, if there’s an outlet that can bring you any kind of relief, it’s well worth continuing with.

It also helps to clear and organise my thoughts, and I’m finding myself rambling less to poor folks in my everyday life since I’ve gotten back into writing. I know a lot of people can relate to things I write about as well, which is why I originally set up this blog.

I guess the purpose of this post is that I find myself reflecting on my current circumstances, which make me feel like I’m exactly where I was 3-4 years ago, despite making numerous changes in my life.

I think as adults, especially if you have a pattern of struggling to maintain relationships, jobs or whatever, it's important to be self-aware so you can look at areas about yourself that perhaps need improving. The goal isn’t to be too self-critical, but more so you can live your best life.

Why Modern Friendships Aren't Sustainable

I wrote an article a while back about Sex and the City and how we can draw inspiration from the female friendships featured in the show as something to aspire to, as opposed to the shallower aspects such as the fierce fashion choices, fabulous apartments and casual relationships.

However, the cast of the infamous show hit the headlines recently, mainly because of the way Kim Cattrall publicly lashed out at co-star Sarah Jessica Parker on social media:

My Mom asked me today “When will that @sarahjessicaparker, that hypocrite, leave you alone?” Your continuous reaching out is a painful reminder of how cruel you really were then and now. Let me make this VERY clear. (If I haven’t already) You are not my family. You are not my friend. So I’m writing to tell you one last time to stop exploiting our tragedy in order to restore your ‘nice girl’ persona. Copy and paste link https://nypost.com/2017/10/07/inside-the-mean-girls-culture-that-destroyed-sex-and-the-city/

A post shared by Kim Cattrall (@kimcattrall) on Feb 10, 2018 at 5:20am PST

Tensions in the workplace happen all the time, so it’s unreasonable to expect a TV show or film set to be any different. But it was still sad to see confirmation that when it came to the close-knit friendships portrayed in the show, life certainly didn't imitate art.

Interestingly, the stars of another one of my favourite female-led shows Charmed also hit the headlines not too long ago for similar reasons, when Rose McGowan (who has very vocally spoken out against sexism and sexual harassment in Hollywood) lashed out at former co-star Alyssa Milano, again on social media, for supporting the wife of Harvey Weinstein (who is now facing numerous allegations of assault and harassment).

Why Men Like B*tches

Much like anyone else with any kind of experience of failed relationships, I’ve become quite weary when it comes to pursuing a romantic connection. I’m pretty sure this lack of enthusiasm for dating is apparent which means unintentionally, I’ve ended up being a little stand-offish when it comes to dating.

You would think this aloof attitude would discourage men but on the contrary, they seem to end up putting in more effort to see or speak to you.

I’ve had this happen with a few guys now, so it seems like proof that 1) if a guy really likes you, even a little bit of rejection won’t put them off from trying again and 2) men actually seem to prefer it if you aren’t all that eager to date them.

Ice Ice Baby
Image credit: Ingasommer

It’s not even a tactic or game I’m playing, because I genuinely am a bit half-hearted about dating at the moment and my hectic schedule makes it hard to find the time to date as well.

Besides, I think this approach is far more effective when you’re not faking it, and you genuinely have more going in your life than being able to drop everything to go on a date, as though it’s the highlight of your week.

This is precisely why I tell females not to chase men. Because apparently, even if you turn them down, ignore them or seem unenthusiastic with their messages, it doesn’t stop men from pursuing you.

How I Broke My Internet Addiction

In the modern age, it’s increasingly difficult to avoid technology as more and more systems become digital.

Image credit: Mediamodifier

For the most part, these updates in communications are designed to make our lives easier. However, like anything else you have to be careful not to let usage become excessive, as overuse can have a variety of negative effects on your mental and physical health.

I myself noticed a difficulty in being able to listen or concentrate on one thing for too long; even watching a movie or reading a book required a concentrated effort to focus and not let my mind drift.

I think the problem is that it’s my main way to ease boredom – as soon as I have some spare time, I’m connected online and I feel a mad rush to check (and clear) my notifications, as well as my email inboxes, news feeds (both personal from social media, and topical in the form of online newspapers), not to mention checking the status of this blog.

That’s a lot of information to process and it can’t be good for those who are prone to feeling anxious or overwhelmed. But it can be difficult to break the habit when it becomes part of your daily routine.

Does Technology Create More Problems Than It Solves?

As technology is constantly changing, people often wonder why I'm so resistant to updating my bits of technology and moving with the times. But I can’t be the only one who finds gadgets and electronics a potential source of stress, for the following reasons:

1) When you buy a new piece of equipment, there’s the whole process of having to get used to a new system and learning how it works.

Image credit: FirmBee

2) The inevitable troubleshooting that comes when you realise your new flash bit of equipment might have some cool new functions, but is struggling to carry out certain simple, basic tasks you grew used to using on your old device.

3) Concerns about being too dependant or reliant on technology, not to mention sacrificing your privacy and personal data when engaging heavily with certain apps.

It's like technology has become too technical and involved for its own good.

Does Expensive = Better Quality?

I’ve always been one to buy most of my stuff from the high street, be it clothing, toiletries, cosmetics, electronics or homeware. There is always the option to go a bit upmarket and shop in the more expensive stores when you're in shopping centres, but I’ve usually gone for shops that stock mid-to-low priced products, just because I haven’t seen the need to go high-end for basic everyday items.

Image credit: FranckinJapan

In fact, I even wrote about my dissatisfaction with certain luxury brands in this post: Are Expensive Cosmetics Ruining Your Skin?

While it’s OK to treat yourself from time to time, I’ve often found that for example, when I’ve splurged on a designer handbag, purse or jacket, the higher price tag hasn’t necessarily resulted in a better quality item.

I guess you could say I don’t like wasting my money. I’m not necessarily a bargain hunter, but I will shop around to make sure I’m not spending triple the amount for something identical-yet-cheaper elsewhere. And I especially don’t like splashing the cash on something that fails to live up to its advertising promise.

However, a default attitude of always going for the cheapest option has definitely resulted in purchasing goods that aren’t the best quality. I never really noticed it until recently, but buying a similar item at a cheaper price has often meant the product just hasn’t lasted as long, and I’ve had to replace it perhaps sooner than I would have had to if I had spent more at the initial time of purchase.

Why Travelling Is Overrated

Image credit: Skitterphoto

Nearly everyone loves the idea of travelling: getting on a plane, visiting a new country, a change of scenery and an escape from everyday life.

For some, it’s the idea of endless beach days and non-stop partying that appeals; for others scenic views and excursions. Others like to experience different city cultures, whilst there are people who like to go on holiday purely to experience more settled weather.

Whatever the reason, I do think it’s good for people to explore other places: it not only builds character being in an unfamiliar environment, but opens you up to new experiences and potentially meeting new people.

I’ve always been the type of person who only visits a destination because I really want to go there. However, in modern-day times with people endlessly bragging about their overseas escapades via social media, a lot of people find themselves going on holiday just to keep up with the Joneses.
They have no real, genuine desire to see that particular place, they just go because it’s something for them to do, to feel like they’re involved.

This amuses me because (and this might be a testament to getting old), travelling isn’t exactly fun.

How To Use The Toilet Like A Classy Person (At Work, At A Guy's Place Or Anywhere Else)

My posts have been a tad depressing of late, so I feel like it's defo time to bring a bit of levity to this blog.

Image credit: Alexas_Fotos

Using the toilet outside the comfort of your own home can be a source of angst for many pee/poop-shy folks. In fact, I applaud those classy individuals who point-blank refuse to use public loos for anything other than a quick pee.

Unfortunately for me, I have quite the erm sensitive digestive system, which means I either go to the loo when I need to…or pay for it dearly after.

Besides let’s be honest, it’s the most underrated feeling in the world: you feel cleansed, detoxed and 10 pounds lighter after you’ve been 😃.

However, I do like to keep it classy and I know sometimes it’s hard to use the loo when other people are within earshot. And being a clean/hygiene freak means I’ve picked up a few extra tips along the way.

Not only that, but having been brought up in a Muslim culture where washing after every bathroom visit (number 1 AND 2) is instilled in you from youth, I can now advise you on how to use the loo and still be able to feel…fresh after.

New Year’s Resolutions 2017

You know you’re really basic when you participate in this whole "New Year, New Me" phenomenon.

Image credit: schroederhund

However, last year was a bit of a mixed-bag for me – some really fun experiences, but also some emotionally-draining circumstances. The last week of the year for me was especially eventful and reflected this pattern. Luckily, the year did end on a good note, which felt like an opportune time to mark a fresh start.

So on that note, here are some areas I want to focus on:

1) Be more selfish – By this, I mean I want to put less effort into pleasing other people, and more effort into myself and doing things that make ME happy.

For example, I’ve found as my social circle has expanded, as have the opportunities to socialise. And don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to have found a lovely little group of people to hang out with; It’s rare to find people who appreciate the amount of effort you put into a friendship, and who reciprocate. I really shouldn’t take them for granted.

However, spending too much time with anyone will lead to irritation. And I’m that type person who goes a bit crazy if I don’t have a certain amount of alone time.

I think this is a result of having spent a period of time not getting out much (due to not having many friends to hang out with). In situations like that, you find ways to keep yourself occupied. You get used to your own company and I guess old habits die hard.

Now, I’ve met people who are as eager and willing to socialise. But it’s good to find a balance. I’m learning to turn down invites, if participating means it’ll be a drain on my time, finances and energy.

"It’s the Most Wonderful Depressing Time of the Year..."

As 2016 officially comes to a close, it has left many people reflecting on what seems to have been a turbulent year for most.

Images credit: milivanily

Special occasions, although usually a cause to celebrate, are generally a super depressing time for people. In addition to birthdays, Valentine’s Day etc. where there are all these expectations to celebrate in style, this festive time of year can also put pressure on people to mark the occasion somehow, therefore magnifying feelings of loneliness if people have no party invites.

Even those spending the holidays with their families find that this too comes with its own stresses: the expense of buying presents and the pressures of hosting a family get together, made all the more difficult if there are tense relations between relatives.

Luckily, I come from a culture that doesn’t really celebrate Christmas, so it’s one less thing to stress about. However, my mother had a stint in hospital from Christmas Eve onwards, so I too ended up having to spend time with family members who I’d really rather avoid. I then had to deal with various household mishaps, not to mention a bunch of health-related errands and appointments I had to tend to.

With all these stressful incidents, it wasn’t exactly the relaxing break I was hoping for.

As such, I haven’t been in the best mood this holiday, instead finding everyone and everything annoying. Any spare time I’ve managed to salvage, I’ve spent retreating to my room until this bad mood passes.

Why Women Can't Resist Bad Boys

My impatience, frustration and general disdain for men is pretty well-documented.

However, I’m one for balanced perspectives and even I can recognise women can be equally as frustrating to men, especially when it comes to dating.

Image credit: OpenClipart-Vectors

I've touched on a similar topic before. Often, you have decent guys ready for a relationship, scratching their head as to why a woman is giving mixed signals. Maybe she responds to your contact, but never initiates. Maybe you had an amazing first date, the girl seemed interested but she’s difficult to pin down for a second date, constantly saying she’s "busy".

In some cases, a girl may actually be interested but just doesn’t want to look desperate. I personally can like a guy, but will hold-off initiating too much contact in the early stages as I prefer to take things slowly. Also, I guess I like to gauge his interest level and an easy way to do that is by seeing how often he initiates contact. I will, however, respond enthusiastically to contact and date requests.

However, if a woman isn’t making any real effort  to see or speak to you, if conversations taper off into nothing, then her ambivalence is most likely due to her half-hearted interest in either you, or in dating and relationships in general.

Women are often at the receiving end of this type of behaviour from men, and are frequently (and often, brutally) told: He’s Just Not That Into You.

However, guys tend to be treated a lot more delicately. So much so, it’s perplexing to them. Hey, if a guy has made it clear he’s single and ready for a relationship but a girl isn’t biting… clearly she has issues of some sort, right?

Emotional vs. Physical Attraction

It’s often said that if a woman is inclined to cheat, it’s because her emotional needs are not being met. On the flip side, if men cheat it’s because their sexual needs are not being met.

Image credit: Unsplash

Now obviously, this isn’t a hard and fast (excuse the pun 😉) rule, but I think it’s fair to say that women tend to be more enthusiastic about entering a relationship compared to men.

This is what causes a lot of dating woes – a mutual attraction between two people, but not exactly a meeting of minds when it comes to what they’re looking for in the opposite sex. Therefore, dating can be equally frustrating for all parties involved.

Generally speaking though, it’s usually pretty obvious if a guy you’re dating falls into the "serious" or "casual" category. A guy that’s not really looking for anything long-term isn’t, for example, going to ask you too many personal questions. He’ll avoid delving into deep and personal topics, and conversations are quite superficial in nature. When you meet up, it tends to be last minute. Fun and non-committal, kind of thing.

This was a situation I was confronted with when I reconnected with a blast from the past recently.

What Feminism Means To Me

"...even when I'm a mess
Still put on a vest
With an "S" on my chest
Oh yes,
I'm a Superwoman." [Alicia Keys]

These lyrics come from a lovely, underrated song by singer/songwriter Alicia Keys.

Incidentally, the song title "Superwoman" is also the moniker of mega-successful YouTuber Lilly Singh, who has successfully carved out a career in the digital industry, and someone I personally find an inspiration.

I don't usually subscribe to celeb-endorsed products/merchandise, but this girl's accomplishments, maturity and outlook on life are incredibly admirable, she brings out the hardcore fan in me.

Singh has also dedicated her time to advocate "Girl Love", a movement which is all about empowering and enriching the lives of other women. And I’m all about that.

A photo posted by Lilly (@iisuperwomanii) on Sep 20, 2016 at 9:56am PDT

Because the truth is, being a woman is tough. That’s why it’s so important for women to support and celebrate each other.

When Life Gets Tough, Stay Positive

"How do you stay positive in a world that is such a negative and hateful place?"

We all have bad days where we come across everyday obstacles and challenges, not to mention people or situations that really test our patience and lead us to lose faith in people and the world around us.

But when it’s getting to point where a bad day has turned into a bad week…then a bad month, it’s time to take a step back and re-evaluate your circumstances and more importantly, your mindset.

Image credit: Maialisa

I’m not trying to minimise people’s problems. Trust me, I know how much it sucks when it seems like every aspect of your life is going wrong, causing you to feel helpless, stressed and overwhelmed; when life feels like a long, lonely journey with no relief in sight.

Life can be tough man, what with stressful jobs, financial instability, crappy living situations, disappointing relationships, unreliable friends and rubbish support networks.

But the truth is, everyone has problems. No one’s life is peachy, all of the time. Everyone has stresses, worries and concerns. Granted, some people’s problems or circumstances may be more extreme than others. But generally, if it seems like some people are happier than others then it’s because there’s a difference in how they deal with things.

Some of the strongest, seemingly happiest-on-the-surface people have had the most traumatic experiences. They’ve just learnt how to handle and overcome setbacks.

Confused Trailers: Suicide Squad

I’m not a massive fan of Hollywood comic book franchises so I’ve never had a strong desire, for example, to see the latest revamp of the Batman, Superman or Spiderman movies.

If I’ve gone to see them in the past, it’s because I’ve wanted to be a good sport and accompanied dates or friends who are really into those types of films. Truthfully, I’ve always ended up zoning out during the films, not really fully engaged. It’s been an entertaining couple of hours, but nothing life changing or something I’d watch again.

However, I caught this initial Suicide Squad trailer about a year ago:

I actually thought the movie looked interesting and was looking forward to catching it when it came out, even though I don’t usually pay attention to American superhero films.

It’s now a year later, and the film is now due to be released (it actually dropped nationwide in the UK on Friday). But I was left a little confused at the way the film had been savaged by critics...from what I saw of the trailer, it looked like a dark and interesting film with a decent back-story to it.

But with all the recent press and promotion surrounding the movie’s impending release, it was hard to miss the latest version of the trailer. Suddenly, the bad reviews made sense:

H&M "Rewear It" Campaign – World Recycle Week

There was a recent ad campaign launched by high street retailer H&M (I say recent, it actual ran back in April so I guess I’m a little late to the party), and this snippet/teaser in particular really caught my attention:

It ran during World Recycle Week to encourage shoppers to donate unwanted clothes. In return, they were rewarded with a voucher to use on goods in-store.

The ad itself is dope: everything from the visuals to the beat, lyrics, choreography and timing is cool and cutting edge and it really grabs your attention. There’s so many layers to the visuals, for example the circular movements in the choreography to reflect the cyclical nature and lifespan of reusable goods.

However, many viewers of the ad were quick to point out the hypocrisy of the campaign, namely the way H&M is a clothing outlet that is the epitome of fast-fashion; the clothing items produced aren’t made to last or have a long shelf life, and consumers are constantly encouraged to keep up with the latest fashion trends. One could argue that H&M is therefore contributing to the waste issue on a very large scale. It definitely does seem like a bit of an oversight from a PR/Marketing standpoint.

It makes you question why exactly H&M would run such a campaign that would leave them open to all sorts of obvious criticism?

Obnoxious People: Speak Up Or Let It Slide?

Over the past couple of years after dealing with some major downers, I decided I wasn’t even going to bother confront people about their sh*t behaviour anymore, because it proved to be a pointless exercise. All it ever really did was just create more drama.

Realistically, people in general are never going to react well when you’re pointing out their flaws. So why bother? You just end up looking argumentative or like a nitpicking a**hole, and most of the time you end up dealing with someone who is defensive, in denial or is so offended that you called them out on their behaviour, they’re going to fall out with you and never speak to you again anyway.

Image credit: mattysimpson

So from then on, whenever someone was bugging me, whether that was a friend or someone I’m dating, if an issue arose and the subsequent conversation was going nowhere, I would simply distance myself from them and the situation. Far better to walk away without all the drama.

It wasn’t a difficult thing to implement because I’ve generally been keeping people at arm’s length these days anyway, preferring to keep things casual.

'My apartment is the only place that I feel safe right now. I have food. I have alcohol. I have 600 channels. And none of them want to hurt me.'  (The Mindy Project)

Recently however, things took a different turn.

Why A Beach Holiday Is Good For You

I came back from a holiday recently, my first overseas break in three years and I think because I hadn’t holidayed in a while I definitely appreciated the getaway a lot more.

A snap from my recent holiday 

Not that there’s anything wrong with going abroad multiple times a year. In fact, I used to be that type of person, a frequent flyer and I even went travelling around Southeast Asia. I had this thirst to see the world and I was fascinated to see how other people lived in different parts of the world.

But then all of a sudden, my interest in travelling dwindled. Perhaps it was the shock of realising just how much money I had spent on holidays, which is money that could have been put to more practical use.

Or perhaps it was the difficulty in getting people to commit to a holiday. Add to that, it seems everyone gets on each other’s nerves on holiday – no matter how close you are, being cooped up with someone 24/7 is bound to lead to some issues. So maybe this is what put me off.